peaceahhlisa's Blog

Can't see your face
In a picture anymore
'Cause the tears
Have blurred out my vision
Of you

Can't make you proud
Of who I am
'Cause the bottle
Has blurred out your vision
of me

Poetry


He Kissed Me Once

He came into my life
Like a wave upon the sand
My eyes called out to him
Yet he never took my hand
Although I will not be with him
To see him is such bliss
At least he left me with
One first and one last kiss

Knowing That We Danced
Dancing in the rain
Such a beautiful thing
Watching the raindrops bounce
Off the black umbrella
Protecting us from getting wet
Walking home and being kissed goodbye
Missing you, loving you
All the while, knowing that we danced  
 
The Kiss
The kiss of life to calm her curiosity
The kiss of knowledge to calm her wonder
The kiss of temptation to calm her rebellion
The kiss of silence to calm her wail
The kiss of loss to calm her empowerment
The kiss of love to calm her pain
The kiss of youth to calm her sins
The kiss of fear to calm her bravery
The kiss of God to calm her spirit

I Haven’t Forgotten You
Why will you not speak to me?
I am not dead
Why will you not be my friend?
I am not dead
Why won't you care?
I am not dead
Why won't you be there?
I am not dead
Why wait till I die to think of me?
I am not dead
You haven't died (I haven’t forgotten to think of you)

Life is a Rollercoaster
You wait in line, you have to pay
The ride seems shorter than the wait
It takes forever climbing high,
Fly down so fast with butterflies
You go in loops, fast paced, then slow
You think you're going one way, but then you don't
You close your eyes, put your hands down
You come to stop, then you get out
You tell the others how it was
The parts to you that were all fuzzed
You tell them that it was a thrill
Some parts were fun, some gave you chills
But all the while, they'd have to try
And see it all with their own eyes
Made March 14, 2007

  Take a Glimpse
I've been searching far and wide
For someone just like me
To know what I am going through
To live through what I've seen
To tell me that I'm not alone
And go through the same thing
To be prepared, yet unaware
Of what today may bring...
I realize now, and I've learned how
Through courage, pride, and fear
The one who also lives that life
Can see me through a mirror

Sleeping Beauty
If I were a princess, and I didn't know it
Was raised by faeries, that couldn't show it
And lived in a cabin, not too far from home
Would sing with the wild, pick berries, and roam
With three different names, and two different homes
Two loves of the same, and told I'm bethrothed
A witch and a spindle, had been my demise
Asleep for some time, Awoke with surprise
The prince of my dreams, the man of my life
The hero who saved me, I am now his wife

A Dream Away
Goodbye to you, I must stay here
Please do not fret, please do not fear
Although for now, I'm here to stay
We're only both a dream away
Just close your eyes and think of me
I'm deep inside, I'm there you see
Although this life may seem so long
We'll always be where we belong
So, if you ever feel alone
Just close your eyes and think of home
Wherever feels like home to you
I will be there, waiting for you
For in the night, or in the day
I'm only just a dream away

God Gave Grandma Heaven For Christmas
My Gramma Spinks passed away on Christmas Eve
Mommy and Daddy were really sad
Many years passed, another day on Christmas Eve
Another day to see my Daddy really mad
But I said, "Daddy, don't be mad at God,
And in my heart I know gramma misses us,
but now Daddy, please try to understand . . .
God loved her so much that he
gave her Heaven for Christmas."
 
Two thousand four was the year
Great Gramma Smith passed away
Our family was really sad.
But in our hearts, we knew
she had gone to a better place. 
Another  Christmas Eve,
another life had begun,
Great gramma in Heaven and glad.
And I said to my family,
"I know we all miss her, and in return
I'm sure she misses us, but she was given the
greatest gift of all, God gave Great gramma
Heaven for Christmas.”

Cast A Spell Upon My Heart
When I first met you in grade nine
You were such a sight to see
You came in late for class
With egg yolk all over your body
You hit on all the gurls,
Both skinny and both fat.
I tried so hard to hide from you,
so I sat in the back.
You cast a spell upon my heart
The day that we first met
You were a bad boy in the past
And you still are I bet
And that is the main reason why
I cannot be with you
For I will wait until you've learned
To have a heart that's true
Whether with you in this lifetime or
Maybe in the next
I will be with you someday, some how
When you finish up that test 

Adam’s Apple
Adam's apple in his throat
Can't say yes and can't say no
Leaves it up to Eve to say
What is yay and what is nay
Yet Eve is easy to deceive
For her thoughts are so naieve
And that is how Eve will conceive
Punished Just Adam and Eve

 
Hurt Me 
He tells me that he loves me
But I don't feel it inside
Though I chose to stay with him
I wanted to run off and hide
Many times I searched for my true love
To tell him please take off your curse
With another for companionship
And it just made things seem worse
 
HURT ME TODAY
HURT ME TOMORROW
HURT THAT ( WILL NEVER SEEM ) 3X
TO GO AWAY
 
Well it's been seven mother fucking years
My true love never called
And my companion I'm living without
Away on hands and knees he crawled
With my brother sick, my mother sad
And my father never home
With the emptiness inside myself
I feel so all alone
 
HURT ME TODAY
HURT ME TOMORROW
HURT THAT ( WILL NEVER SEEM ) 3X
TO GO AWAY

  The Rose
Our love is like a red, red rose
As it slowly blossoms and as it grows
The gentle frost may come and go
But in our hearts it's there we know
The seeds below the frost will send
What once was the beginning has now come to an end
Spring will come, a new rose reborn
Though every rose must have a thorn
Each blood red petal has a story
Of a love that holds magnificent glory
The beholder must pay the full price
The beauty, thorns and sacrifice
The pain for love was thick now thinning
What once was the end is now a new beginning

  Disowned By Society
 
They take me in to be their friend
The thought is so unknown
They say they'll be there till the end
Until apart we've grown
They scream and yell and call me names
For I'm not what they like
They know as soon as I grow up
They'll just say "Take a hike"
They tell me I'm not good enough
For this and this and that
They never choose to take a look
For some things I'm good at
They see me as a hypocrite
Well, who are they to judge?
They tell me I just don't fit in
But guess what? I can't budge
They push me in and push me out
And it just hurts me more
They tell me I should go get laid
Then they tell me I'm a whore
I've managed to stick to one thing
But, all I want is variety
They've got the key to my own door
For I'm disowned by society  


SUICIDE
 
Walking way up high
On a building in the sky
Thinking you will fly
But you're only gonna die
You're life flashes from your eyes
You're mind's twisted in a tie
And you ask yourself why
You wanna say goodbye
You slip and you slide
Your arms spread out to a glide
Wishing you could hide
When you're committing suicide 

TRUE COLORS
 
Who are you to judge me, when the mistakes I've made to see?
Who are you to treat me, like I'm a prisoner in need?
I am not the one who, constantly argues over greed.
Why can't you secure me, instead of fighting violently?
 
When you see the colors, the true colors of life,
Who's there to hold you, why take advantage of your strife?
 
But now I remember, what you've told me.
Your precious obsessions, have now surrounded me.
You took advantage from the start,
Enchanted powers from your heart.
 
When you see the colors the true colors of life
Who's there to hold you, and why take advantage of your strife?
 
Overwhelming insecurity, taking advantage over me.
A thoughtless circle, destroying hopeful dreams.
And figuring out what it means.
 
When you see the colors, the true colors of life,
Who's there to hold you, why take advantage of your strife?
 
What have I surrendered, to get me in this state I'm in?
Sacrificing everything, trying to escape away from sin.
 
You just can't create hatred in me, for I can heal negativity!  
Change
 
The day they knew that things would change
Would change the things they knew
The time they tried to change those things
Would only change a few
The moment they knew they changed the few
Would change the way they thought
The thought that changed would rearrange
The day they thought alot  
Listen
 
The next time you look into the mirror
don't punch it with your fists
The next time you feel insecure
please don't slit your wrists
The next time someone judges you
don't feel an ounce of shame
The next time you ever feel alone
please don't impress by fame
The next time you get worried
don't sit around and weep
The next time you go making love
please don't feel like you're cheap
The next time you go out with friends
don't just use them for a ride
The next time you are in the middle
Please don't run off and hide
The next time you see your soulmate
Don't see what you will miss
The next time you feel really sad
Please bathe yourself in bliss  

My Dad doesn't live with my Mom, and they both agreed to sell the house, since he moved out and Mom can't afford it on her own. She has my brother to take care of (he is disabled and is slowly going downhill). So Dad comes by to pick up some of his things from the garage.

He intentionally unplugged her deep freezer last week, and now all of her food is rotten!!! I can't believe he would do that to her! How can someone be so heartless!!!

He never calls me, never comes to see his son. He spends his time drinking and partying with friends and doesn't seem to care about his family. How could he be so selfish?

My name is Lisa. I was born in 1985. I have brown hair and brown eyes. I love the out doors, swimming, camping, that sort of thing. I love to watch tv and movies with friends. I like going out with friends (when I have time to).

I have a brother (Jamie) who was born in 1991. He has Spina Bifida (He was born with a split spine on his lower back). He has many physical and developmental complications such as; Hydrocephalus (water on the brain), Myleomeningocele Spina Bifida (The most chronic type of Spina Bifida), he is parapalegic (cannot feel anything from the waist down), is in a wheelchair, is in stage three of kidney failure, is diagnosed as "failure to thrive", he is on a night-time feeding tube and as of 2010, weighs 75 pounds and is 19 years old. He has behavioral and mental growth complications, but when you get to know his good side, he is a sweet heart. I always worry about him. There is not a day that goes by I don't think about him.

I am a respite worker for him. A program opened up called "In home Kin Careworker, and I am responsible for managing care for all of his needs, including changing, feeding, oral and syrenge (through mik-key tube insertion in his abdomen) medication distribution, managing behavior, getting him involved in activities such as; swimming, typing on the computer, watching movies, going on van rides, I help relieve his pain by massage therapy for his back (he had spine surgery in summer of 2009. He is what I call a "Real Trooper".

I help my Mom get groceries, meds, and take both her and my brother to all of their appointments as I am the only source of transportation. This is my life.

I have high hopes in obtaining a career in the future in fundraising or counseling. Right now, however, I am putting many plans on hold as my family is very special to me and can never be replaced. Sometimes I wish I could help more, but there are just some things you can't control right?

My father, on the other hand, is an alcoholic. My parents have been divorced since I was four, had my brother when I was six, got back together on and off, and now have been seperated for a while. He hasn't really been around the family since January of 2010. But even when he was around, he really wasn't there emotionally or mentally. Every day I wish things could be different. Some days I wish he could just do a 360, and turn his whole life around, deciding to chose being with his family, rather than his friends and drinking. I cannot make this decision for him to change, I know this. And although, I would love to believe that he will change, he just doesn't seem to be going down that path. It's hard to talk to him or to see him. I wish he could understand how much my Mom burns herself out from taking care of my brother, making sure his needs are met. I don't know if he'll ever realise he has a problem and get help. There's always hope I guess.

As of right now, I am just doing my best in life, helping out as much as I can. My Mom is type 2 diabetic and I am not only trying to help keep her blood sugars down, but I am trying to maintain a healthy lifestyle for myself.

So this is my life... and it goes on ....